If someone is telling you things all the time and never waits to be asked, it’s a sign of toxicity. Toxic people volunteer them (see #3 above). But in a healthy human relationship, we reserve opinions about others until we are asked the share them. Naturally, we all have opinions that are valid. They tell rather than waiting to be asked. Healthy people never give you loads of advice the first time they meet you. When people I first meet start telling me about all the ways we can improve our church, I thank them and tell them point blank we’re probably not the church for them and offer to help them find a new one. Whether it’s a casual conversation or even a job interview, people who tell 15 ways you can improve your organization or your speaking often end up being toxic people.Īre there ways we can improve our organization? Of course.Ĭan you improve your speaking? Sure you can.īut when someone leads with off with loads of advice…well, that’s just not healthy. They give you advice during your first meeting. People who come on strong when they first meet you usually leave just as loudly. I find usually the people who are moderately impressed or even neutral on the first visit and warm up over time are the ones who are most healthy in the long run. I have learned to be suspicious when people tell me on first meeting and first hearing that ‘That’s the best message I’ve ever heard in my life!” or “This is the best church I’ve ever been to anywhere.” What’s perplexing is that the people who end up being the most toxic at the end of the relationship are over-the-top positive when they first meet you. In my experience as a pastor, the people who show up and want to make it headline news are rarely (I’m being generous here) healthy people. So…how can you tell early on that the person you’re dealing with might be that person? An unhealthy person can infect your team like toxins infect the human body. Some remain difficult, despite all attempts.Īnd as you know, if you don’t address toxic people-or worse, let them gain influence-they can infect your whole organization, diminishing your effectiveness and taking everyone’s focus off the mission. Unhealthy people can grow healthier with the right care and attention in a healthy environment.īut some toxic people just don’t.

The optimist in you and me hope toxic people will become better. After some exposure, everyone feels sick. At your church, as a volunteer, on your staff, as customers.Īn unhealthy person can infect your team like toxins infect the human body.

You're doing it wrong wow